Category Archives: You know what really chaps my hide?

The Long and Arduous Journey to Academic Excellence

I have an Aunt that just informed me that she has completed her Associates Degree in Criminal Justice.

I know the knee-jerk reaction of people would be to praise her and tell her how she should be proud of herself, etc. After all, she’s 62 years old, and it’s never too late to get an education. Blah blah blah.

Forgive me for not being impressed.

Not only am I not impressed but it has cheapened the entire concept of a college education in my mind. Before I ramble on too far, let me justify my attitude with an illustration. Nearly a year ago, I received a text message from my Aunt soliciting help. Here’s the conversation:

What do I do with that? Seriously. There was no context given. There was no previous discussion of her studies. In fact, I had no idea she was taking classes. This was just sent out of the blue.

I thought…maybe she could better express herself with an email. It could be the cell phone that’s keeping her back. So I asked her to send the problems via email. I suggested that she copy and paste what the professor has assigned. This is what I got from her:

1.3the exercise #5
You have to multiple and also make simple.
5.) 17/18 3/5
Multiple 17 3 and also you need to multiple 18 5 and this comes up to 51/90 then you need to make this simple 3 goes into every number evenly so you have an answer of 51/90=17/30

ALL CAPS NAME SIGNATURE

She told me that’s what the professor sent to her. Unlikely. It would appear as though she was to multiply and simplify fractions; a task that I believe I learned in the 4th or 5th grade. This doesn’t explain the numbers from the cell phone conversation, but it’s really not the point. What I would like to know is, what sort of institution would find a person like my Aunt worthy of any sort of degree? I know that her daughter finished much of her course work, but were there no exams?

I never heard from her again about anything regarding her classes until this weekend. I have recently become addicted to homemade yogurt parfaits, so I posted a photo of one of my concoctions on Facebook. This was her comment regarding my picture:

It does look yummy wish you could come to my graduation get together on the 12 graudate the 6th

Never mind the Facebook etiquette. Was this a serious invitation? I really don’t know. She only lives 1000 miles away, maybe I could swing by! I then got this private message from her overnight:

Keinn send me a card want to keep them to remember everyone

I don’t mind the misspelling of my name really. But isn’t this a bit audacious? Wouldn’t it be a bit more proper to send out invitations? I’m not exactly Ann Landers or anything, but “hey, send me a card” seems a bit crass for even me. She wants to remember everyone? Hey, I’m on your Facebook. It’s gonna be pretty hard to forget me. What this is, in reality, is a solicitation for money. You’re just gonna have to trust me on this one.

I’m not going to send a card, but I’m not sure what to do. I’ll probably just blow her off.

Beer Commercials

I just love how beer commercials in the US can’t show the people actually drink the beer. For one reason or another, the FCC frowns on it. I suppose it’s not just beer, but any alcohol product. This is a perfect example of the “Big Brother” nature of the Federal Government in the US. What exactly is the reasoning behind this regulation? Are there some people out there that believe people just pour these beverages in glasses and stand around with hot chicks?

Thank God the government is there for us. If they showed the people in the beer commercials actually consuming the products that are being advertised, we might actually learn how to consume them. I wonder how many people go out, but a six-pack, bring it home, pour a glass then sit and wonder what is next?

I’m gonna guess…not too many.

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Turn On Your Friggin’ Lights

I was on my way home today, and as I left the parking lot where I work I noticed it was a bit overcast, so I switched on my lights. It’s just something that I have gotten in the habit of doing. I figure if my lights are on, it makes it easier for other cars to see me.

As I drove, I noticed that there were others that share my habit, as I noticed every fifth or sixth car also has its headlights on. Then I noticed something that really has me baffled. I have seen this countless times over the years. For whatever reason, there are people that find it necessary to only turn the light switch to the first position, which only lights the running lights of the car. I have seen drivers use these lights just before dusk. What exactly is going through their mind? “Well, it’s sort of dark, but not really dark enough for the actual headlights. Maybe I’ll switch on these running lights for a few minutes until I actually need the headlights to see”.

I just don’t get it. I almost want to follow one of these people and ask them at their destination: “Can’t you just take the extra effort and switch it one more position? Is it that much work? Can’t you understand that the headlights are more for others than they are for you?”

In Alabama where I live, it is required to have the headlights on when it’s raining. I have heard of a few people this summer getting pulled over and ticketed by the police for failing to obey this law. If I were a cop, I’d let the people slide if they had no lights on, and pull over the ones with their running lights on. I’d be sure to have a pair of gloves with me, and when I went to ask them why they didn’t just turn on the lights all the way, after hearing their lame explanation, I’d slap them in the face with my gloves. Then I’d walk away and not say a word.

Watch me rant